HELLO everyone/a few people.
I’ve started a new blog because I like doing it and it helps me process life, among other reasons.
If you want to read it, the address is allthisbeauty47.blogspot.com
Read it if you want to, if you don’t, you don’t have to. I love you all!!
“Incredible things are happening in the world
Magical things are happening in this world”
Well, I am finally getting around to doing this FINAL blog post. I can’t quite say why it has taken me this long to get around to it, because I haven’t really been doing anything besides going INSANE with love for life. I’ve been having SO much fun with friends (old and new) and it has been marvelous. I have been spending loads of time with Rachel. It has been SO great I can’t even describe it. Laughing and being silly and being serious and learning about our personalities and going places and going nowhere. Needless to say, I am loving being back on campus with such a beautiful person. I have also been able to hang out with some GREAT London people. This past Saturday, a bunch of my favorites (about 10) went to Disneyland and I had the best day I’ve had in a long time, definitely the best trip to Disneyland ever. The rides were fun, the lines were fun, the food was great, every single person was TOTALLY perfect and necessary and I had so much fun. Take both your hands, wiggle them towards your face, right below your eyes and that is what it felt like ALL day. Nat and I kept saying “we’re here” while doing that motion. The newness of hanging out with those 9 other beautiful people NEVER got old.
Anyways, all that to say my time back in Malibu has continued the pattern of awesomeness that my life has had lately. But this blog post is not meant to be about these past couple weeks. It is meant to be about LONDON. I NEED to end this blog with a reflection. London changed me. Ok, well, GOD changed me and used London to do it. I can’t begin to explain all the ways that He changed me for the BETTER but I’m going to try.
I changed in simple ways: my laugh got slightly quieter because I adapted to British rules of behavior in public. I expanded the foods I like, I tried more things. I became strangely fixated on Mocha’s, trying them everywhere. My wardrobe expanded. My fashion sense altered slightly. I developed a much greater appreciation for French food and Lebanese food. Pita and Hummus became staples. I started to LOVE bagels with butter. I lost my flip-flop tan that I have had forever. I became ghostly pale but didn’t mind. I braved the cold months and rejoiced when it reached 50 Fahrenheit. I figured out that my favorite beer is Corona, not that I’ve tried that many. And my love for Mexican food deepened. I fell in love with BBC news, Modern Family and Glee. This is just a sample of how I’m different now than I was when I went to London.
I also changed in less superficial ways: I’m braver — I went to London even though it was scary. I made it through sad, homesick nights. I had meltdowns in the bathroom alone and survived. I fell asleep clinging to the idea that the morning brings newness and hope. I’m more easy going — I got yelled at, received compliments that could be construed as back-handed, got mean looks, encountered situations that tested my patience, lived with 5 people, was late, etc. and all this led me to the conclusion that life’s what you make it. It didn’t happen right away but I learned that when things are sad or hard, life goes on. Those things are what make life what it is and if you can’t learn to laugh (eventually) then what do you have? A sad, whiny life, that’s what. I’m more loved — living with 5 beautiful (inside and out) girls, an INCREDIBLE faculty family, some pretty BOMB guys and other big-hearted people can do that to a person. I didn’t know it was possible to feel as loved as I did this year. Mature, level-headed, caring, considerate, powerful, independent, confident girls (you know who you are) taught me how to be all these things. When all these characteristics go into LOVING people, WATCH OUT. It is intimidating how well these girls love.I don’t know why they chose to direct this powerful love towards me, but I thank GOD for it. It reminds me how undeserving I am of God’s love, but He gives it to me anyways. The Newman’s showed me the love of parents. One of my best memories was that night I went on the date with Dina, not to mention all the good memories I have at house church. They were good mentors, friends, leaders, etc. Caleb and Alex showed me childlike love. Nothing like being asked “can you come over and play with us sometime?” to make a girl feel special. Tim-O, Bob, Nathan and AJ all showed me how loved I am in their own ways. I sometimes loose faith in the male population, but when living with these guys its pretty much impossible to do. They hold guys to a new standard and its sort of inspiring.
I could go on and on about how much I grew this year. All the things I learned from the people I lived with, from the culture I lived in, from the God I love are too many to be numbered. I guess I could sum up what I learned in one sentence. THERE IS BEAUTY IN THE WORLD. God revealed more beauty to me every day. I regret more than ANYTHING the years of my life that I wasted whining. This year taught me to take every day as it comes, to find its beauty, point it out and LOVE it. I LOVE all the beauty in my life. I have beautiful experiences, beautiful people, beautiful places, etc. I think all we can do with this beauty that God gives us every day is to show it love. I am going to love the beautiful people in my life. The beautiful places, the beautiful experiences the BEST that I can. I’m even going to love the not so beautiful things and watch them become beautiful.
I saw this quote from Winnie the Pooh the other day and I think it sums up my experience in London pretty well: “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard”
My heart is expanding to fit all the beauty inside it. This HUGE heart is more capable of loving than I ever imagined it would be.
“I think life is staggering and we’re just used to it”
THANK GOD for the beauty in your life. Go out and love it. =)
I love you all. Goodnight (even though I’m not going to be right now….I had to end it this way!!)
“Know I love you, California
When I leave, I know you wait for me
Cause in the sun and in the weather
No one else has loved me better
California you’re the place for me”
I made it back to Malibu, to my home and my family and my friends. This morning, Amy and I had breakfast at Le Pain one last time. It was a gorgeous day and the food was delicious (as always). It was such a fun moment. After that, time FLEW by and all of a sudden it was time to leave for the airport. It was SO sad saying goodbye to people, especially the Newmans and Alanna. Also, it was sad to say goodbye to the house and room 6. I will miss living there.
The flight went great. Natalie, Amy and I were in one row and it was perfect and spacious and awesome. I watched a couple movies and listened to music and all of a sudden we made it to LAX. It was crazy coming back on the group flight because it made me realize how much has changed since our first group flight to London in September. We didn’t know anyone so we all sat by each other and were awkward and stuff, but now we know each other so well. People I didn’t know existed are now some of my favorite people in the world. Anyways, we made it through a ridiculously crowded customs and found our bags in a sea of suitcases and went to greet LA.
We had the BEST greeting I have EVER received. Nathan and TimO and Rachel were all at the airport and I was SOOOOOOOOO happy to see them. I wanted to cry it was such an awesome moment. I just couldn’t stop smiling and hugging them. Seeing them all made me realize how much I have to look forward to in being back in Malibu. Yes, its sad that the London part of my life has ended, but there is SO much more ahead of me and I want to soak in every moment of its awesomeness.
Amy and Rachel and I, with my family, stopped at In n Out and saw CAROLINE there!! It was incredible. I missed her so much, also, In n Out was delicious. Me and Amy and my family had a fun ride back to our house. We laughed and listened to music and it was super enjoyable. I love my life.
Every moment today has been awesome. The people that have become like family to me are beautiful. London is beautiful. LA is beautiful. My friends are beautiful.
I hope to have one more post in the near future where I look back on the overall experience and what I have learned. This blog has been awesome. I feel like saying goodbye to it is like saying goodbye to a really good friend. I think ending it is the right thing to do though. It has been good for me in London, now its time to soak in every moment as it happens and love it. Maybe I’ll blog again someday though…if I just miss it sooo much. But I will do one more post, so don’t worry loyal readers!! 
I love you all sosossososo much. Goodnight from MALIBU!
“California never go away, I’m here to stay”
Today feels like 203498230 days in one. It all started when I woke up around 7:30 to prepare a little more for my British Music final. I felt pretty confident going into the test because it was an interesting topic to me and anything seems easy to memorize after British History and Middle East exams in one day. I finished that final in about 40 minutes and went up to my room to begin the daunting task of packing. Packing was crazy, but it happened and my suitcases are both an OK weight. I was actually pretty impressed with how it worked out.
After packing for awhile, I went to Le Pain with Amy and got some more DELICIOUS Le Pain food. It was delicious. I then embarked on a journey to Harrods to find some headphones for the flight home because my current headphones are slowly dying. I found some pretty good ones for a reasonable price, so I got them. I’m really happy with them. After that, I packed some more, took a quick nap and went to our LAST group dinner at Da Marios.
Dinner was sooo fun. Walking to dinner, Natalie and Amy and I hooked arms and it was a typical London day and it stays light later than usual which reminds me of summer and I feel free because finals are over. It was just a perfect walk. A funny thing at dinner happened near the end when we had some students stand up and say nice things about some professors who joined us at dinner. Natalie and I were so embarrassed by the thought of it, we ‘went to the bathroom’ to avoid it. While we were just standing there talking, we heard someone walk into the bathroom. We both looked at each other, and turned quickly to pretend we had been washing our hands. It was just funny.
After dinner we had a program where we appreciated everyone ever. People talked about Caroline and Jenny and the Newmans and Michelle and Jordan (RA’s) and the Spiritual Life Committee and other awesome people. We watched the London video that Em made. Britt and Azzurra were the MCs and they were HILARIOUS. The night ended with a blessing from Callie and me. It was a strange feeling saying a blessing — I felt like my dad saying a benediction at the end of church or something. It is pretty powerful saying a blessing over people though.
Today I’ve felt glad to be here. I’m just living in the moment. I know that tomorrow I’ll be home (!!!!!!) and that is exciting, but I want to soak up every single moment I have left while I’m here so that I don’t forget anything. I KNOW that God has awesome things in store for me when I go home. I know that I’m where I’m supposed to be right now and that whatever the future holds is full of purpose too. I think this year has REALLY taught me to appreciate every moment — the good and the bad– to take each moment for what it is and soak it in. Who knows if I will ever have a moment like that one and I wouldn’t want to take it for granted. I want to get everything out of every moment that I can.
Anyways, I’m excited to be going home to my family. I can’t believe I’ve had this INCREDIBLE experience, that it’s coming to an end, that I am blessed enough to have this much LOVE in my heart.
“So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well.” Philippians 1:9 (The Message)
This was part of the blessing that Callie and me said and I loved it from the Message. How important is it that we learn to love WELL. I think this year, I have seen a glimpse of what it means to love WELL.
I LOVE you all!!! Goodnight =)
“California I’m coming home
Will you take me as I am?”
Today was INSANE. I woke up at 6 in the morning to continue studying for British History after going to bed at 3 in the morning. After showering and have some breakfast, I just studied and studied until 9 when it was time to actually take the exam. It was by no means a ‘fun’ test, but I felt like I was prepared, my essay went well, and my short answers were correct. Finishing that test was one of the best feelings in the WORLD. I couldn’t bask in my accomplishment for too long though because I had another hard final in the afternoon — Middle East. I spent the two hours in between British History and Middle East studying for the THREE essays I was going to have to write (Natalie was the best and brought me some Starbucks and food!). Ultimately, I felt good about my Middle East exam. I’m glad its over.
As soon as it was over, I went upstairs and fell asleep. I took a couple hour nap and woke up feeling much better and refreshed. I also woke up with a new feeling — sadness. It turns out, my crazy hard studying had been protecting me from feeling the sadness of leaving London and the end of this wonderful experience. Anyways, we went to Beirut for dinner and it was marvelous. Tonight I’ve just been studying for my last final, British Music. Studying for this final has actually been fun because we have to choose 2 female musicians and write about them tomorrow. I chose Lady Gaga and Joni Mitchell (thus the song I chose for tonight) and its been fun to learn about them.
Today was a whirlwind, but now that its over, I have too much time to think about this wonderful time ending. On the walk to Beirut, Alex and Caleb Newman were in such a good mood. They were laughing and running and Dina was chasing after them. Ella was precious. The weather was PERFECT, on top of the freedom I felt because I was done with the worst of my finals. What I’m trying to say is, tonight was PERFECT. While we were walking, I just kept thinking, I love these people, I love this place, I love life. I was feeling so content. It is so strange processing through the excitement of going home but also leaving when things are so perfect here.
Well, I love you ALL. Goodnight!!
PS I’m off to Snog for a room 6 date….then to BED!
“We’ve got California in our eyes
Come on and catch us if you can”
Today has been dedicated to finals (obviously). I woke up this morning and studied for my afternoon humanities final. I didn’t leave my room for a few hours. After a while, I took a break and showered. I studied a little bit longer. Then I took a break and read some of the CA motorcycle handbook. It was a funny study break. Finally, it was time for the final. I felt OK about my final — I don’ t think I wrote it very well, but I remembered all the information I needed to, so that’s good.
After that final, I went up to my room and started studying for Middle East. When everyone else finished the final, Natalie, Amy and me went to Starbucks and got a wrap for take away at Beirut. I took a good break to eat and talk to Natalie, then went back to studying. Once I finished some studying for Middle East, I have spent the rest of the night studying for British History. I have studied alone and in groups and in all sorts of places throughout the house. Tomorrow will be CRAZY. But then it will be over and I will fell great.
Prayers are appreciated. I love you all!! Goodnight (well, I’ll be up for a while, but whatever…)
“Now there’s a touch of California
In everyone who’s ever been this way”
In honor of my first love, California, I am dedicating my titles from now until Thursday to songs about California. I am excited about returning to California, to the sunshine and dresses and sandals and people and beach and sunsets and all its quirkiness. I’m very excited. Again, I’m just pretending I don’t have to LEAVE London for that to happen. Last night, I was in literal PAIN at the thought of leaving London. I can’t believe it’s going to happen soon.
Anyways, I went to HTB this morning and it was AWESOME. It was a family service, so instead of a sermon we have a skit. It was great — done from the perspective of a Detective in Jerusalem upon hearing that this man ‘Jesus’ was risen. It was really cool. We sang good songs and I held baby Ella for a while. It was a really good Easter service. Some people went to Westminster for Easter service, but I’m glad I spent my final Sunday at my home church, with people I love.
After church and a quick stop at Starbucks, I spent the afternoon in the library, studying. I was pretty productive actually and even took some time to look up some songs about California. It was awesome. After working for a while, I went to House Church. House Church was sweet — we laughed and fellowshipped. It was incredibly great to be there for one last time. I can’t believe all the lasts that are happening. After house church I went down to have some late night breakfast. Natalie and AJ planned midnight breakfast (except we had it at 10pm) like they have in Malibu right before finals start. The food was DELICIOUS and it was fun for everyone to come together and enjoy each other’s company.
I talked to my family and now I’m going to bed. I am excited to sleep and wake up and study some more. I’m excited to make it through finals.
I’m excited that today was Easter. I LOVE the HOPE that I have because Jesus conquered death. Death didn’t win. Jesus loved ME enough to die but that’s not where it ended. He GOT BACK UP. He died and conquered that death. Just think what kind of love that calls me to. That is just crazy — all the love and grace and forgiveness and calling to a higher standard His death and life brings to us all.
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead” 1 Peter 1:3
AWWW YEAH.
I love you all, Goodnight buds
“It’s foreign on this side,
But it feels like I’m home again”
Today I slept in a little bit and it was marvelous. When I woke up, I did my laundry! I really needed to do it, so I’m glad I got it done. I think that’s my last time doing it before I come home. That’s so crazy!!! After that, I got ready and got some lunch from Le Pain. It was delicious as always. After that, I studied some for British History. I’m glad that I finally got to work and felt productive for a little while. Soon it was time to get ready to go to Ashley and Lauren’s Birthday celebration. We went to Tinseltown, a restaurant near King’s Cross. It was pretty far away, but the company was SUPER awesome and the milkshakes were superb. I loved hanging out with a group of people that I don’t get to always hang out with.
After dinner, I talked to my family for awhile, then I laughed and laughed with my roommates. The good thing about working a lot these past weeks is that we have all been together and been able to enjoy each others company. Natalie and I talked about our desire to crump and the dates we are going to have next year on my Vespa. All of us watched youtube videos and laughed some more. I love my room. I love London.
Tomorrow is Easter and I’m excited about Church in the morning. I’m excited to focus my attention to what tomorrow really means. I need to be struck again by the gory, horrific things that Jesus went through because He loves us.
I love you guys! Buenas noches!!!
“Is it silly to think that they could be wrong when they say my dreams are made of candy, floss and tears?”
Today was just what I needed. I slept in and lounged around for awhile. I fell in and out of sleep, watched some TV on my computer and relaxed. This relaxation was just what I needed after the crazy week I had last week. After resting, I showered and rested some more. Eventually, when Amy was done with her Polysci exam, we went to Urban for one last beautiful trip to that beautiful store. I bought a couple shirts and I’m super excited about them because they are Malibu appropriate, which means I’m coming home soon!! I’m going to miss this Urban though, it has become my ‘home Urban’ — it’s a wonderful place.
After shopping, Alanna, Sonya and I went to the Tex Mex restaurant. It was FUN as always. I have good memories in that place of Alanna getting giddy-happy about the food and her margarita. When we were done, we came back to the house to relax some more. Tonight, I’m planning on watching a movie on my computer and soaking in the relaxation.
I LOVE this place. I can’t believe South Kensington has become home. It feels like home. At the same time, I miss Malibu and I’m so excited to return to my most loved, first, favorite home. I think the older I get, the more ‘homes’ I’m going to have and the more places/people I’m going to miss. I think that’s sort of cool, it means that my heart is growing and making room for more and more love.
Today is Good Friday. I can’t believe what this day means. It means I’m saved and loved. It means you are too. It means God is AWESOME. It means love wins. I LOVE that. I also think about how this day alone is super sad. Without Easter, today seems like death wins…but it doesn’t. Jesus beats death in a crazy, unique way that doesn’t make sense but makes the most sense in the world at the same time.
Anyways, I love you all and I’m praying for you on this Easter weekend. Goodnight!!!
“Followed your breadcrumbs, they led to the Sea”
Tonight, all I want to do is rant and rave about happy things and sad things and life and stuff for some reason, but I’ll spare you too much of that and quickly talk about my day. It started out sort of hard because I had to wake after not that much sleep (in like a week). Waking up wasn’t super fun, but British Music was fun as always. We talked about the music industry, which was cool, but we also listened to some GOOD music (ie Johnny Cash, Amos Lee, Simon & Garfunkel, Ingrid Michaelson) SOOOOOO GOOD. After that class and a quick trip to Starbucks, I worked on my British History presentation a little bit. I didn’t feel as prepared as I would’ve liked to, but that’s OK. After working for awhile, it was time for British History. A bunch of us gave presentations. I felt like mine was pretty horrible, like I didn’t express my interest in it well to the people in the class, but I’m moving on. I just lose confidence really fast when in front of people. Also, I lose track of myself in front of people — as in I can’t remember anything I said or what I did with my hands or anything….
After that class, Sonya and I rushed to Kings Cross (stopping for dinner at Subway) for our FINAL CONCERT IN LONDON. We went to this super tiny venue to see Jenny Owen Youngs. It was SO fun. There were 3 openers (most of which were pretty great) and Jenny was great of course. At one point, I realized that this stressful week is over. We made it! These are the moments when I love that time passes. Hard time end. Anyways, that concert was SO fun. I’m going to miss concerts in London with Sonya, but we will OF COURSE continue this tradition in LA. It’s going to be an epic life.
Now I am looking SO forward to sleeping. I can’t wait to sleep late and wake up and study. Its interesting that studying seems easy compared to this past week. It’s over. I’m soaking in every single one of these moments that happen this coming week. I don’t understand how I got here. I was just a freshman, freaking out about the school year ending, or about to leave for London and terrified of leaving my friends and family, or leaving London in December and sad to say goodbye. Its unbelievable how fast time passes. I like life though, the sad parts and hard parts and happy parts and the normal parts. That’s life.
Also, I just realized today that Easter is on Sunday. I wish I had been thinking about what Easter REALLY means instead of sitting in the library, hunched over a computer, getting carpal tunnel but now I can think about it. I can’t believe it. Today, someone I follow on Twitter posted this and I LOVED it so much, that I’m going to post it for you. I think it sums up what following Jesus calls us to.
“There were those who conspired for all that was bad on this day; let’s decide to conspire together today for what is good” –Bob Goff
I’m thinking tonight about what horrible things my heart is capable of thinking and doing, but also the CRAZY INCREDIBLE things God is capable of doing in my dark heart.
I love you all sooooooo much. I’m praying for you. Goodnight buds.
